Journal

Well, its been months since I have been on here. I usually dont have the extra spare time to sit down and write. Today I decided to do nothing and just relax all day. I am still sitting in my pajamas, drinking a beer, and watching football with my husband. Its been a long week and I feel I deserve this. There will be many more difficult weeks ahead of me and my family. My mother was just diagnosed with a very rare cancer. She has a mesenchymal tumor behind her right aorta that extends down to her upper abdomen and it is malignant. She lives in such a small town that they are not equipped to treat her there. So they sent her down to the valley and they are now waiting to hear if she has been accepted to 1 of the two medical centers they recommend. WHAT??? You just told her she has cancer and now she has to wait and hope that she can get into a clinic to recieve treatment. For a breif second, I think I now understand what it feels like to be waiting for a new kidney, heart, etc. UGH!! I feel helpless, scared, sad...so sad. My mom had breast cancer 17 years ago( beat it)and has been living with fibromyalgia and constant headaches for years now. She has undergone many different treatments to help relieve any of her pain and is the most positive and brave person I know. How can this be happening to her? I am not writing this so people will feel sorry for me or her. I need to talk about it, get it off my chest, discuss my frustrations and fears, so that I can remain strong and focused in order to help my mother fight for her life. Please Dear Lord, dont take her just yet!!